Blame the Translator

At a Budapest zoo:  
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY 

Hotel, Acapulco: 
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE 

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:  
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. 

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:  
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR. 

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:  
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS 

Sign in men's rest room in Japan:  
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT 

In a Nairobi restaurant:  
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER 

Sign in Japanese public bath:  
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB 

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:  
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED 

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR 

In a Tokyo bar:  
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS 

In a Bangkok temple:  
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN 

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:  
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM 

Hotel brochure, Italy:  
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALLOVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. 

Hotel elevator, Paris:  
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK 

Hotel, Yugoslavia:  
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID 

Hotel, Japan:  
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID 

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:  
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION 

Supermarket, Hong Kong:  
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE 

From the Soviet Weekly:  
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. 

In an East African newspaper:  
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS 

Hotel, Vienna:  
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER 

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:  
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS - WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES 

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:  
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? 

In the window on a Swedish furrier:  
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN 

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE 

In a Swiss mountain inn:  
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM 

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:  
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS 

A laundry in Rome:  
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME