send me a joke - punyajokes.com Newsletter No. 10 - March 16, 2007
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This week's jokes

Murphy's New Laws

Work or Play?

In Heaven

Bono in Scotland

Once apon a Time

Videos

Blue Movie

Asking for Directions
Credit: Benita

Very Bad Karma
Credit: Tunde

Take the First Step

Five Jewish Men

Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization:

Moses said the law is everything.

Jesus said love is everything.

Marx said capital is everything.

Freud said sex is everything.

Einstein said everything is relative.

Have you missed out on the previous issues?

No. 9 - 9nd Mar 2007

No. 8 - 2nd Mar 2007

No. 7 - 15th Feb 2007

No. 6 - 9th Feb 2007

No. 5 - 2nd Feb 2007

No. 4 - 26th Jan 2007

No. 3 - 19th Jan 2007

No. 2 - 12th Jan 2007

No. 1 - 5th Jan 2007

Murphy's newest law

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Credit: Jeevan

Work or Play?

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.

Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

Credit: Jeevan

In Heaven

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

Credit: Bhagawati

Bono

Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone,

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from near the front of the crowd, pierces the silence...

"Well, fookin stop doin it then!"

Credit: Bhagawati from Bali

Once apon a Time

Once upon a time there lived a king who had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took on the challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt. The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

(click here to find the answer)

Credit: Tao

cool emoticons

In the Corral

burning the balls of the bull with a cigarette

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it
Credit: dancollinscartoons.com

B.Z. Cartoon

uncle Sam looking into the house through the window

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it
Credit: bztoons.com

Buying a Get Well Card

get well - get fucked

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it
Credit: Anne J. and georgetrosley.com

Classic Sign

lady trying herself on the hand dryer

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it

Credit: Jeevan

Dangers of Masturbation

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it - Credit: Werner

Parking Space Reserved for Drunk Drivers

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it - Credit: Tunde

Maxine's last word

I am not saying 60 is old but I am thinking it

Credit: Jeevan