Chinese Wedding Night
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is not all that experienced either.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he says, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I
pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you
want. What chu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he
hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her
request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want to try somethin I
have heard about... Numbaa 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually,
in a puzzled tone he queries...
"You want... Chicken wit broccori?
Credit: KP via Jeevan
Air Talk 1
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only
expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between
Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, - And I didn't land."
Air Talk 2
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Credit: Bhagawati (she is half German, forgiven?)
Not Going to Iraq
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a
few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed.
Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked
"Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and
said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you
have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a
great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iraq either."