Don't be in such a rush...
Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to
assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can
see what I am doing!"
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think
there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Another "dumb blonde" joke
Two blondes meet in the mall, and one says to the other, "Chrissy, you're so lucky. I just saw your hubby in the florists,
buying you this huge bunch of flowers."
"Oh god," says Chrissy, "you know what that means? I'm going to have to spend the next three days, flat on my back, with my
legs in the air!"
"But," says her friend, "why donít you just use a vase?"
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Game: Your Age by Diner and Restaurant Math
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat (more than once but less than 10).
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold).
3. Add 5.
4. Multiply it by 50.
5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1757. If you haven't, add 1756.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
7. You get a three digit number: the first digit is your original number (i.e., how many times you want to
go out to Restaurants in a week), the next two numbers are your age.
For Sale: 1985 Blue Volkswagen
Only 50 miles. Only first gear and reverse ever used.
Never driven hard. Original tires. Original brakes.
Original fuel and oil. Only 1 driver. Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off.
If flying-saucer creatures or angels or whatever were to come here in a
hundred years, say, and find us gone like the dinosaurs, what might be a
good message for humanity to leave for them, maybe carved in great big
letters on a Grand Canyon wall? Here is this old poop's suggestion:
WE PROBABLY COULD HAVE SAVED OURSELVES, BUT WERE TOO DAMNED LAZY TO TRY VERY