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send me a joke - www.punyajokes.com Newsletter No. 22 - 8th June 2007
NO PICUTRES? click here - PUNYA FRIDAY JOKES

Weekly Glasbergen

You can subscribe to a weekly mailing of a Glasbergen cartoon directly from Orsi. This is her address: orsolya.szabo (at) hu.ibm.com Replace the (at) with you know what

cartoon

"Who picked 'I can get no satisfaction' to be our on-hold music?"

How a true software engineer shaves

Tom Rush

click on picture to see the procedure – Credit: Jeevan

Tom Rush: Remember Song on Video

Tom Rush

don't laugh about your parents, or your older colleagues

click on picture to get to the video link – Credit: Bhagawati

Leopard taking care of young prey – Video

click on picture to see the video – Credit: Jeevan

Does this happen to you in the morning as well? Video

"save target as..." to download the video

Credit: Jeevan

Have you missed out on the previous issues?

The River

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river."

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Credit: Tao

if this was a repeat, sorry, but I just love this joke, hehehehe

The Lord Understands

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Credit: Bhagawati

AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

If you have avoided the video, well here you have something similar in print...

Recently, I was diagnosed with AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs to be washed.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye – they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do...

When I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long.

Don't laugh – if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC

Credit: Jeevan – turned 80 this year – if we did not have her these newsletters would be blank!

Being 85 Years Old

An 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this – first I tried with my right hand, but nothing."

Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Credit: Tao