Bad Blond Joke
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for
Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach
into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her
shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
Ambiguities – part 2
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a fly without wings be called a "walk?"
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
Another Dumb Blonde Joke
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some
fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like... HELLO! You need to
roll up the windows first."
The Tortoise and the Frogs
The frogs who had been out on the tiles were suffering from a terrific hangover. "Oh dear," remarked one, "I wish we had some aspirin."
At that moment a tortoise who had ambled by overheard his remarks and said, " Say, you fellows, I will go down to the village and get you some
aspirin, if it will be of any help."
"Ah, my dear fellow, would you really? That's most kind of you to offer," replied the frog. And the tortoise started off.
Well, after about two weeks there was no sign of any aspirin or the return of the tortoise. So one frog said to the other,
"I say, do you think that tortoise can be relied upon? He has been gone an awfully long time."
At this remark the tortoise, who had been having a quiet rest behind a boulder, said, "If you speak like that behind my back, I jolly well
won't go and get that aspirin. So there!"
Doggies just are...
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
- Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
- Joe Weinstein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
- Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
- Phil Pastoret
Credit: Jeevan / Niketan