The man with an earring
One day at a cocktail party, I noticed that one of my friends was
wearing a small diamond earring. I knew this man to be a fairly mainstream
and conservative fellow, so I was curious about his sudden change in fashion
sense.
When the opportunity arose, I walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you
were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal of it, it's only one small earring," he replied
sheepishly.
Since he did not volunteer anything more, I asked, "So, how long have you
been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my car."
Credit: Tao
Legend goes...
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the index and the middle finger of all
captured English soldiers. Without these fingers it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of
fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as
"plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated
French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has
gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of
the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."
BUT: This is a nice story for the dinner table, but read what a historian says:
www.snopes.com
lots of pictures down the side
Credit: Bhagawati and Google Search
Curtain Rods – Priceless
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted
on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few
half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned
with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she
were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... And to spite
the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Credit: Bhagawati
Homer and the Blonde
Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar
around 9:58pm. He sat down next to this blonde at
the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was
on. The news was covering the story of a man on
a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll
jump?"
Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a
swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset
and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair is fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this
earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would
jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't
think he'd do it again."
Credit: Bhagawati
Time with Dad
So, you take your young son to his first ball game.
Good father and son stuff... right ??
Super Male bonding, right ??
You buy him a coke... pop corn... a ballcap and three hot dogs.
Then, "whack"...He see's his first homer . . .
Will he remember this wonderful day spent with you ??
Will he remember the special unique taste of the ball park hot dogs ??
Will he often think of that tremendous boomer home run ??
Nahhhh...
What will he remember ??
see bigger version of picture by clicking on it
Credit: Jeevan
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