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send me a joke www.punyajokes.com – design by punyaweb.net Newsletter No. 35 - 14th September 2007
NO PICTURES? click here - PUNYA FRIDAY JOKES

A4 Cut-outs

skeleton cut out

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Credit: Jeevan

How things have changed 1

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Credit: Niketan/Jeevan

How things have changed 2

man blowing smoke into woman's face - Slogan: Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere

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Credit: Niketan/Jeevan

Have you missed out on the previous issues?

Maxine's last word

I don't know what your problem is but I bet it is hard to pronouce

Credit: Jeevan and Bhagawati

In the Afghan Desert

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The Taliban asked,

"Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me, I will show you that I am bigger than that, if you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant, it has all the ice cold water you need, shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back. "Your bloody brother won't let me in without a tie."

Credit: Roland

A Bad Blonde Joke

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"

"No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'"

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'"

Credit: Bhagawati

Another Bad Blonde Joke

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see Closed for the Winter.

Credit: Bhagawati

And Another One

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage, and three blondes were stuck on the escalator for more than four hours.

Credit: Bhagawati

Kids in Church

3-year-old Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Credit: Sahajo and Bhagawati