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send me a joke www.punyajokes.com – design by punyaweb.net Newsletter No. 36 - 21st September 2007
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The best ad war in recent memory

Some information that you need to know before you see the Ads:

1. BMW started
2. Audi answered
3. Subaru needed to say something
4. Bentley Chairman wanted the last word

see bigger version of picture by clicking on it

Credit: Chris

Have you missed out on the previous issues?

Maxine's last word

life is too short to dance with ugly men

Credit: Jeevan and Bhagawati

The Lion Tamer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.

One is a good looking, older retired airline pilot in his sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment – chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.

About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor.

He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired pilot and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old pilot replies, "No problem, just get that damn lion out of the way."

Credit: Jeevan

The Quarterly Check-up

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story:

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was setting off for a day of hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

"He then realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature, but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ’bang, bang.’ Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

"Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Credit: Bhagawati

Ten Rules for Being Human by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Credit: Jeevan