This Could Happen To You...
It could happen to your mother, your sister, your daughter or your best friend. So please warn all the women you care about.
The strangest thing happened to me at lunch today. I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at my
table. I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table and wouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my wedding ring then placed my
hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was just not interested in them.
Luckily for me the two clowns got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera. I am posting their picture her on the left as
a warning just in case they try and pick you up too.
Honestly, some men think they're God's gift.
Credit: Bhagawati
The Seniors Breakfast Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than
once.
Credit: Bhagawati
Underwear is Important
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your
vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a
Crestview couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car
break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car
in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under
the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned
private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly
put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On
regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at
her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have
three stitches in his forehead.
Credit: Bhagawati
You have 2 cows...
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
Credit: Chris (from Belgium) who adds: "Perhaps you will know this joke, I certainly do, however the last bit can be reality soon as they are still to form a new goverment after the elections held last May :-)"
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