Friday Jokes

4 - 26th January 2007

www.punyajokes.com

Cartoon of the Day

(Credit: Anne J.)

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"When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London."  Bette Midler

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Love Letter

I want you. I shall seek and find you... I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake and sweat till you moan and groan. 

I will make you beg for mercy... beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when i am finished with you and you will be weak for days. 

All my love 

The Flu XXXX

Credit: Agni

Credit: Anne J.

Credit: Uwe

Excuses

When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers revealed some of their favorite alibis:

1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.

2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.

4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.

5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

6. Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.

7. One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.

8. Employee's mother was in jail.

9. A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.

10. Employee had a bad case of hiccups.

11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.

12. Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.

13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking.

14. Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.

15. Employee was sad.



Credit: Silvia

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Credit: Bhagawati

Breakfast

Wife is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, Wow, this is my lucky day.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."

Credit: Jeevan

More excuses

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any absences tomorrow. I might consider nuclear attack an acceptable excuse, or serious personal injury or illness or death in the family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A wiseguy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What if tomorrow I claim to be suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The class falls about with laughter at this idea, but when silence was restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, in that case I guess you'd just have to write the exam with your other hand."

Credit: Tao