In which direction does the bus go? Right or left? (right hand traffic) (see picture on left-hand column)
You cannot make up your mind?
Look closely one more time! - You can even zoom in!
You still don't know?
The same picture was shown to children in primary school.
90% gave the following answer:
"The bus drives to the left."
"And why is that?"
"You cannot see the door!"
In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing
field of the 2008 GOP presidential race, former Arkansas
Gov. Mike Huckabee today named Jesus Christ as his vice
presidential running mate. Huckabee has made an increasing
number of comments about his relationship with Jesus in
recent debates, but few Republican insiders expected him to
announce that he was anointing Christ as his vice
"This could be huge for Huckabee," said Stenson Partridge, a
veteran GOP consultant. "Among Republican voters, Jesus
Christ is even more popular than Ronald Reagan."
The Rev. Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, said he was "blindsided" by the news
of Huckabee's decision: "I talked to Jesus last night, and
he didn't mention anything about it."
At a raucous Huckabee rally in South Carolina today,
supporters of the former Arkansas governor could be seen
holding signs reading HUCKABEE/CHRIST in 2008.
It is "highly unorthodox" for a presidential candidate to
select a vice presidential running mate who is a prominent
figure in the Holy Bible, says Davis Logsdon, dean of the
School of Divinity at the University of Minnesota. But
according to Logsdon, if the Huckabee-Christ ticket makes it
all the way to the White House, it could be historic in more
ways than one: "If Huckabee is elected and then something
happens to him while in office, we would be looking at our
first Jewish president."
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis, after assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey,
So they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......
It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick.'"
Never Choke in a Southern Restaurant
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and grits, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so it becomes apparent she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly give her right cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his seat.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heered 'bout that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
A few questions
Are you sure you are really interested in the preservation of the human race once you and all the people you know are no longer alive?
Whom would you rather never have met?
Are you convinced by your own self-criticism?
If you had the power to put into effect things you consider right, would you do so against the wishes of the majority?
Credit: Jeevan (who found them in read in The New Yorker)
The Law of Life (aka Murphy's Law)
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.